The Art of Seduction

seduction with chocolate

With Valentine's Day the next big day on the calendar, it's time to remember that not everyone has found love yet and some of those who have are simply trying to keep the fires burning! Learning how to seduce your new lover, or re-introduce the spark with an existing lover can be an exciting experience for all involved.

The vital ingredients for successful seduction are confidence and playfulness: Be willing to step outside your comfort zone and become that sexy seductress waiting to burst forth from within (the good news is that it's easier than you think)!

Here are our Dos and Don'ts for successful seduction:

DON'T BE NEEDY

Neediness and seduction are mutually exclusive. The more desperate you are, the less attracted ot you your partner will be. The very last thing you want to do is make the person feel pressured. If you want to seduce someone who's quite independent, you may also benefit from learning how to tame a free spirit.

  • Even if you feel neediness coming on, don't give in. Think of it this way: Your needs will be met at some point down the line, but maybe not now. Delayed gratification.
  • Get a devil-may-care attitude when you're seducing that special someone. Be a little bit reckless (within reason): Do something a little risque or unexpected to keep them guessing. Maybe go out to the beach in the middle of the night. Or go on an unannounced trip for a couple of days. Try to cultivate a little bit of mystery.

RELAX

The more comfortable you feel, the more comfortable the other person will feel around you, and the more receptive they'll be to your affection.

  • Walk somewhere close instead of driving. Even just 10 minutes of physical activity can reduce stress and help you relax.
  • Listen to music that's proven to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and fight an elevated heart rate.

BE PLAYFUL

Smile, flirt, touch and tease. Don't be too serious, people enjoy having a good time. Have fun with this person. Enjoy the game.

  • Studies have found that a playful attitude makes people more attractive.[2]Playfulness in males signals non-aggression, while in females it signals youth and fertility.
  • Humour, too, is another crucial aspect of your personality that plays a role in attractiveness. A study has found that women are more likely to give their phone number to men who use humor[3], while men too perceive humour as being an attractive trait in women.[4]
  • Be able to make fun of yourself. People generally don't like other people who can't take a joke or get offended when anything bad about them gets said. Don't be that person. Be able to take criticism in stride. Hey, if you dish it out to other people (and you should; playfulness is attractive) you should also be able to take it.

DON'T ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE

People enjoy being with other people who have exciting and interesting things going on in their lives, because they feel happy at the prospect of someone like that sharing their precious time with them. So what will you achieve if you are trying to meet with them or talk to them every moment? Nothing. It's best not to overwhelm the other person with your time, and let the relationship unfold at a more measured pace.

  • On some occasions, if a person asks you for a date, don't immediately agree. Say you'll check your calendar first, and then agree. Even if you have nothing going on, play it cool. That way, your social appearance will be enhanced by a simple trick.
  • That being said, fill your calendar with real events and real people. There's no substitute for the real thing. You'll actually be happier and feel more fulfilled if you're out and about than if you're sitting at home twiddling your thumbs.

USE CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE

Move confidently. Most people are not attracted to wallflowers, but to people who are sure of themselves. Don't forget to smile and, if possible, make body contact when appropriate and not intrusive. Use eye contact - lock eyes with your partner or date to show you're engaged and interested.

DON'T BE AN OPEN BOOK. 

Leave something to the imagination. You should not share everything about you with the other person: mystery is always attractive. It makes people realize they don't know the whole you, and this secrecy will give off a seductive aura.

Resist the urge to tell this person about your entire life story, and especially your parents. Not that parents aren't great; they're just not very seductive!

BE PATIENT. 
 
Wait for their desire for you to catch up with your desire for them. Believe that it's only a matter of time, that they just need to discover how awesome you really are. If you don't believe that, then you can't seduce anyone. But the fact is that we naturally become attracted to anyone who we feel comfortable with, makes us laugh, and is slightly out of reach (because of the thrill of the unknown). It's human nature.
    1. http://www.active.com/mindandbody/articles/31_Ways_to_Relax_in_10_Minutes_or_Less.htm?page=2
    2.  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/9453842/Playful-people-more-attractive.html
    3.  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/humor-sapiens/201106/are-women-more-attracted-men-who-court-them-humor
    4.  http://www.psypost.org/2010/04/both-women-and-men-report-a-good-sense-of-humor-as-attractive-511
    5.  http://www.livescience.com/20630-male-touch-woman-flush.html
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